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"Draft Jay Leno" Rally Draws Crowd of 225,000 Supporters

A crowd estimated at more than 225,000 people gathered early Monday afternoon in a spontaneous rally of support for the Jay Leno for President campaign. The mostly sunny afternoon provided the perfect backdrop for the speakers and rock bands who entertained the crowd while they waited patiently for Jay's appearance at the rally. Many in attendance believed that Jay would use the event to formally declare his candidacy for the presidential race. Rumors that "Jay might show up" circulated among the crowd throughout the day.

The impromptu gathering of nearly a quarter-million supporters surprised many, but Jay Leno for President campaign chairman Howard Lester seemed to take it in stride. "We knew if we mentioned it a couple times to a handful of people, word would spread quickly," Lester said. "People are so interested in Jay Leno as a potential candidate and are so eager to draft him into the presidential race that everybody would naturally want to be there. I'm just glad so many people came out."

Crowd control experts agreed that the conflagration of Jay's supporters was the largest political rally in the city's long and colorful history. "Every presidential candidate comes here to rally support, but no one's ever drawn this many people," remarked one expert who had observed the extremely well-behaved, good-looking crowd. "The largest rally we've had up to now is when Hillary Clinton came to town, and I don't think she drew more than about fifteen hundred people."

The "Let's Draft Jay Leno for President" rally, as it rapidly became known, was a family-oriented, multi-ethnic, inter-cultural, and environmentally-friendly event that seemed to thrill everyone who took the afternoon off to attend. "I love it," said a smiling mother of three, "and so do my kids. Where else can you find so many nice, friendly people in one place on a Monday afternoon. It's because of Jay, you know, he brings out the best in everybody. Don't you think so?"

"The minute we found out about this, we canceled our annual board meeting and asked all of our shareholders to come join us at the rally instead," remarked the CEO of a Fortune 500 company who asked to remain anonymous. "That turned out to be one of the best business decisions we've made all year. I mean, look at what a great time everyone's having. And the best part about it is that no one is hitting us up for campaign donations. Can you believe it? The Jay Leno for President campaign is a donation-less! Well, he's got my vote, that is, if he runs."

"There's no place we'd rather be," said one college student who marched around the rally with several other coeds carrying a homemade sign written on a bed-sheet that read "All the Way with Jay!"

As the afternoon went on, some people were curious whether Jay Leno was aware of the rally and whether he planned to attend. "We figure, sooner or later, someone will tell Jay about it," said chairman Lester during the rally, "or he'll see it on TV. Either way, it's hard to ignore such an outpouring of support, especially when most presidential candidates would gladly cut off their right arms to be able to raise a crowd half this size. But we know Jay's a smart guy and he doesn't do anything without careful thought. So, if he doesn't show up, we're sure it's all just part of his brilliant strategy for when, where, and how to make his formal announcement to run for president."

Jay's strategy seemed to be working once again Monday afternoon. Amid chants of "Where's Jay?" and "Is Jay Going to Show Up or What?", the massive crowd was finally informed by campaign officials late in the afternoon that Jay Leno still hadn't acknowledged the campaign and probably would not show up. A collective sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, but nobody seemed to take Jay's non-appearance personally.

In fact, people who'd spent as many as seven hours at the rally waiting for Jay seemed quite upbeat about it all. "Really, I had a great time," said one rally-goer as she helped pick up trash on her way out of the gathering, "and even though I would have liked to hear Jay say he's running for president in person, I'm sure he'll get to it when the time is right."

Others calmly exited the large rally sharing much the same sentiment. One twenty-something attendee summed it up by saying, "We were like oh, no, Jay's not coming, but then we were like that's okay, we'll just get some ice cream and watch him on The Tonight Show!' And everyone else was like yeah, great idea, let's go to Krogers!"

Given the success of Monday's rally, the Jay Leno for President campaign organizers are considering other rallies in the coming weeks. Perhaps simultaneous events in several cities around the country. Said campaign chairman Howard Lester, "Hey, we put this rally together in less than twelve hours with a just few announcements on the website. Imagine how many people would turn out if we gave them two or three days notice."

3 comments:

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Howard said...

Jay Leno for President is still a good idea.