Jay 4 Prez Campaign Turns Down $7.5 Millioin Contribution

The Jay Leno for President campaign today turned down a $7,500,000 donation from an anonymous donor, solidifying the campaign's commitment to raise and spend no money to elect Jay president.

The donation offer arrived at Jay Leno for President campaign headquarters in a large Rubbermaid container, delivered by an unidentified UPS driver. Before signing for the package, campaign staffers opened the container to inspect the contents for breakage and were amused to find neatly wrapped bundles of $100 bills. Inside also was a note that simply said: "Good luck with the campaign, Jay. Oh, and thanks for making me laugh, I mean, what good's being a billionaire if you can't laugh every now and then? Fondly, Anonymous."

"A second note within the container indicated that there was $7.5 million dollars in cash," said Jay Leno for President campaign chairman, Howard Lester. "Of course, I knew we couldn't keep it and be true to our mission to 'raise consciousness, not money', so I refused the package and asked the driver to return it to the sender. But, it was a really nice gesture, and we do appreciate it. We get donation offers all the time, though none quite this large, and we politely send them all back with our thanks for their support."

Political fund raising experts from both parties were stunned by the news of this latest donation to a campaign whose candidate hasn't even acknowledged he's running. Said one prominent insider at the Joe Biden campaign, "Holy sh#t! Are the Leno for President people nuts? We're lucky if we get a wrinkled-up dollar bill inside a gum wrapper....and even then we gotta include it in our FEC filings!"

Even fund raisers for the financially flush Hillary Clinton campaign were impressed. "I can't say we'd have refused that kind of contribution," said one unidentified Clinton campaign staffer, "but it would be kind of rude to turn down a gift given with such generosity, wouldn't it?."

Though Jay Leno has not yet declared his candidacy or indicated a willingness to be drafted as a presidential contender, most grassroots supporters in his campaign believe it's just a matter of time. One campaign worker, who has handled the return of several seven-figure contributions to their original donors, commented, "I think Jay will be touched by the generous nature and good humor of his supporters, people willing to give a lot to see him run for president. What better way to say 'thank you' than to accept their drafting of him as a candidate?"