Hot Dog Eating Contests Creating Quite a Stir on the Campaign Trail

Hot dog eating contests are creating quite a stir along the presidential campaign trail these days. Major presidential hopefuls from both parties, clamoring for photo opportunities, have been spotted at several major contests over the past week, sparking speculation that the candidates are running out of mainstream supporters and are seeking fresh voters from whom they can leach campaign funds.

Jay Leno for President campaign chairman Howard Lester has been following this unusual development to gauge its impact on the campaign to draft Jay as a presidential candidate. "Frankly (no pun intended), this sudden candidate interest in hot dog eating contests looks like a good thing for our campaign," Lester said. "It just shows how desperate the Democrats and Republicans are getting in their quest for money. What they don't realize, and what I'm not going to tell them, is that Jay Leno actually enjoys a higher level of support among hot dog eaters than all of the presidential candidates put together."

A recent survey confirms what Jay Leno supporters have known for years: Hot dog eaters, both contestants and spectators, naturally love and support Jay Leno. The scientifically based survey, published in a leading journal, was conducted over a two-year period and randomly polled 5000 people. When asked who they think about most while eating a hot dog, more than 86% responded that they think of Jay Leno. Of the remaining 14%, only 6% said that they thought of any of the 2008 presidential candidates, with 4% of those saying they think of Dennis Kucinich.

Political analysts are baffled by the sudden interest in hot dog eating contests among the presidential candidates. Said one prominent analyst, "I simply cannot understand why Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, and the others are spending so much time and money attending these meaningless events. Don't they realize that Jay Leno has that segment of voters in his hip pocket?"

Jay Leno for President campaign supporters certainly realize it. Campaign organizers in at least seven states have invited frankfurter vendors to their rallies and Oscar Meyer's Weenermobile was recently spotted at a campaign picnic in Dubuque, Iowa. Unsolicited offers of free hot dogs for Jay Leno supporters have also come into campaign headquarters, but have been respectfully refused. "We've got to stay true to our campaign mission to raise consciousness, not money," campaign chairman Lester said, "and that goes for hot dogs, too."

To date, Jay Leno has not yet announced his candidacy for president, nor has he acknowledged the existence of the Jay Leno for President campaign. "We're still waiting for the 'go-ahead' from Jay Leno or NBC, and we really expect that any day now," said one senior campaign organizer. "Perhaps this whole hot dog thing will convince them that now's the time."